Saturday, 27 February 2010

Frank and beans

My wife and I have always referred to our son's "equipment" as being his "frank and beans". So it came as a compleate suprise when today while in the bath he gripped "frank" between thumb and forefinger and said loudly "dad, this is my willy".

Tuesday, 23 February 2010

dad tax

Over the last few weeks i've be claiming dad tax from my son. this entails me proclaiming "dad tax" then taking a portion of whatever he's eating. it's brilliant, i highly recommend it to all you dads out there. i can't wait for my daughter to go onto solids so i can claim off her too.

Monday, 15 February 2010

potty training day one, the openning gambit

it was a far wiser man than me who once said "you can lead a two year old to the potty but you cant make him use it". twelve hours, ten wet pairs of "big boy" pants and one actual pee in the potty later and i think we've made a good start. we've decorated the potty with stickers of his favourite things, a banana, bob the builder, thomas the tank engine, a pirate and a broccoli tree. we've established a common language " mam, dad i need a pee or poo". i'd thought we'd cracked it when brushing his teeth he said "i need a pee, i need a pee" quick as the wind i raised him up over the toilet where he made a "psssssh, psssssh" sound then said "finished". thoroughly defeated it was time for his bed.

sleep well chums.

Saturday, 13 February 2010

3 seconds

I went to my nieces first birthday party today where there was some flagrant disrard for the three second rule going on.

Friday, 12 February 2010


my son had a friend over today to play, after two hours of good natured chaos i decided to cool things down by putting the tv on. while watching lazytown i was sure i saw a knuckle duster in sportacus's equipment cupboard.

Thursday, 11 February 2010

"i'm pooing, i'm pooing" dan (my son) shouted. thats hardly worth blogging about i hear you cry. we where however standing in line at our local cafe at the time and to make matters worse dan was sitting on my shoulders.

while your here you may as well read the following true story.

when i was a kid my parents took me to see a traveling circus that had set up in pontypridd park. i'd been to the circus before so i knew what to expect. i wasn't too keen on clowns but i loved the trapeze artists, to me they where just like super heroes in there brightly coloured lycra costumes swinging about gracefully. there where three trapeze artists in all an athletic looking man and woman and the third who looked more like an olympic power lifter. as they swung out over me i remember thinking "yes this is just like batman" as the show went on their routine got more complex until the finale where the athletic looking man hanging form his feet caught the woman who then in turn held out her hands for the power lifter. he swung out, flipped once, twice in the air then grasped the hands of the woman forming a human chain. the audience let out a collective breath the sucked it back in as the power lifter slipped from her grip. luckily for him they had been performing over a safety net, unluckily for the woman sat under his speedy decent that safety net hadn't been tightened properly. he struck the net which hardly slowed him down until he hit the woman beneath shattering the chair under her and knocking her into unconsciousness. the thing about this trip to the circus that always sticks out in my mind is that fact that they carried the unconscious woman off on the back of a baby elephant. even during a health and safety emergency they still kept it show biz. i've often wondered what happened to the woman and the power lifter.

Wednesday, 10 February 2010

missing veg

about two hours a ago i made my son dinner, a large portion of which was broccoli. a vegetable i had previously thought to be among his favourites.
"dad, i've finished" my son said. he hadn't finished, he'd left several "trees".
"eat those and we can watch tv" i replied.
i walked into the kitchen where i had been sterilising bottles for my daughter. a few moments later my son walked in the room holding an empty plate.
"all done" he said "tv?"
"well done, brilliant, lets get the tv on"
fast forward two hours to me putting some plastic in the recycling bin only to find several "trees" at the bottom.

so that's basically me, a house husband, freelance artist, part time work seeking, comic book reading, vimto drinking, mr tickle fearing, role playing (not in a dirty way), onion ring munching, simon cowell hating, gcse english re-sitting, beard combing, tom waits listening to kind of man. welcome aboard.

next stop, the circus.